The Emperor’s New Clothes

Pip Art

You can usually spot them a mile off – celebrities who’ve gone under the knife in a desperate bid to remain youthful! Even Botox and lip augmentation are easy enough to recognise once you know to look out for the tell tale expressionless face or swollen, pouty lips.

I can only assume that celebrities who have turned themselves into grotesque caricatures as the result of excessive plastic surgery are surrounded by “yes men” who – like the courtesans in The Emperor’s New Clothes – gush and fawn rather than speaking the plain truth.

I can think of no other reason why these celebrities actually think they look good – I mean don’t they possess a mirror? Don’t they realise that they look like they’ve been reassembled using rejected parts from the slaughterhouse floor.

© Tex Avery

I recently had a photographic portrait done as I needed an up-to-date photo for an application. Some people are very photogenic, I’m not one of them and when I challenged a friend to find just one good photo of me, she couldn’t. The last time I had a portrait shot done was ten years ago and being presented with a hundred images of my face was a traumatic experience – I look like my brother in drag!

Put it this way, if Droopy The Dog needs a stand-in, I’m available.

These days my eyelids are sagging, my jawline is looking a little slack and as for my turkey neck, well what can I say? Although I know it goes with the territory and generally I’m happy being nearly sixty, part of me fantasises about having surgery not to make myself look 40 you understand, just to rectify the flaws. But I am far too squeamish and too much of a coward to ever seriously consider plastic surgery so I guess I’ll just have to carry on avoiding mirrors and hiding behind my camera…